So recently, I have been struggling with my place where God had called me. I moved here 2 months ago, and for the past 2 years it seems I have been hearing God calling me so clearly. Even the days where I didnt know if it was God, and it didnt seem clear- He was always clear about the path He wanted me to take. Then, when I made the decision to take the steps- He most certainly has cleared the way for me. Now, after most of the seemingly hard parts are conquered- now, I feel like I dont know what to do.
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go, I will counsel you and watch over you."
~Psalm 32:8
I was writing to a friend of mine this evening, filling her in on everything here in NYC, and one of her questions was- "How are you doing emotionally, being back in the city?" I didnt really know how to answer her. Because, mostly- I am overjoyed. But, I am also overwhelmed, overloaded it seems. I wrote to her, that its funny- back in LA when these plans were a million miles away- it was easier for me to believe in them. Now that God has worked everything out, and Im physically closer to His master plan for my life-- I feel the distance more than ever. Funny, isnt it? That our moments of doubt are STRONGEST literally RIGHT before the breakthrough? Even after we have put out fleece after fleece, and God has proven Himself faithful, the moment of our weakest point is a lot of times right before His plans come to fruition.
A couple of weeks ago, I was just praying, "God- what am I doing? I just feel like I am in a rut." And just really having a moment where I needed God's assurance that I am where He wants me, a moment of doubt, if you will- like I didnt think He would come through. And I opened my bible to this verse (which I love):
"Do I bring to the moment of birth and not give the delivery?" says the Lord. "Do I close the womb when I bring to delivery?" says your God." Isaiah 66:9. It was like God was directly asking me those questions. Then I just felt dumb. I didnt ask Him again that day.
I just think it is so sad how quickly we can get discouraged regarding the calling God puts specifically on our hearts. I have learned long ago that I need to die to my emotions and feelings. I hand them to God. But, that doesn't mean that they're not still in my heart. And what does that say about my heart, that it is always doubting?
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go, I will counsel you and watch over you."
~Psalm 32:8
I was writing to a friend of mine this evening, filling her in on everything here in NYC, and one of her questions was- "How are you doing emotionally, being back in the city?" I didnt really know how to answer her. Because, mostly- I am overjoyed. But, I am also overwhelmed, overloaded it seems. I wrote to her, that its funny- back in LA when these plans were a million miles away- it was easier for me to believe in them. Now that God has worked everything out, and Im physically closer to His master plan for my life-- I feel the distance more than ever. Funny, isnt it? That our moments of doubt are STRONGEST literally RIGHT before the breakthrough? Even after we have put out fleece after fleece, and God has proven Himself faithful, the moment of our weakest point is a lot of times right before His plans come to fruition.
A couple of weeks ago, I was just praying, "God- what am I doing? I just feel like I am in a rut." And just really having a moment where I needed God's assurance that I am where He wants me, a moment of doubt, if you will- like I didnt think He would come through. And I opened my bible to this verse (which I love):
"Do I bring to the moment of birth and not give the delivery?" says the Lord. "Do I close the womb when I bring to delivery?" says your God." Isaiah 66:9. It was like God was directly asking me those questions. Then I just felt dumb. I didnt ask Him again that day.
I just think it is so sad how quickly we can get discouraged regarding the calling God puts specifically on our hearts. I have learned long ago that I need to die to my emotions and feelings. I hand them to God. But, that doesn't mean that they're not still in my heart. And what does that say about my heart, that it is always doubting?
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